The Cookie Thesaurus™

Because there are cookies for every occasion

Ah.¹

The captivating cookie.

The brilliant biscuit

The splendid sugar cookie²

The simple but splendid Scotch Shortbread.

There are so many types of these round circular baked goods that we name under the vague and broad label ‘Cookie’ (or in the British case, Biscuit.³)

And I have decided, in a moment of extreme cookie desire, to write up a post totally unlike anything I’ve ever written before⁴ to explain in great detail, the specific types of cookie, when they are socially appropriate to eat, what emotions they counter balance, how to eat them, and my favourite recipe to make them, so that you too, can enjoy the wonder of the Cookie Thesaurus™

Right, are you ready to dive into the world of Cookie Glory?

PAUSE FOR NOTE: All recipes are NOT mine, and are linked to the creators website. Image Credits - linked recipe website.

The Original™ Chocolate Chip Cookie

Okay.
These are the cookies we think about when we hear someone say ‘cookie’ Rich, delicious, splendid in a way you cannot describe. The ultimate thick cookie, with the perfect blend of crispy edge and gooey centre. These are the ones you dream about - and they’re worth the wait!

When to eat: Perfect for any and every situation - grief, trauma, excitement, tears of joy, all the good days and the bad ones.

Good for: Excellent at counter balancing EVERY emotion. No further comment.

How to eat: One word: Scoff. (Glass of Milk Optional)

Recipe: Trust me when I say this is the best cookie recipe - that I have EVER found - for an Original Cookie.

The Soft Chocolate Chip Cookie

Sometimes, we need something a little more comforting - a little less intense. That is where the SOFT COOKIE Comes in! I feel like this is classed as the original ‘kids cookie’ because it’s soft and simple - but let’s be honest… We all need the soft and simple cookie sometimes!

When to eat: Perfect for more emotional, sweet, soft, comforting environments.

Good for: Soft and fragile emotions. Hard days where it never stops raining. Or when it’s time to curl up on the sofa with a book.

How to eat: Reach for, bite, enjoy. Glass of milk highly recommended.

Recipe:

The Triple Chocolate Cookie

Everyone needs a good triple chocolate cookie recipe up their sleeve.

When to eat: Late afternoon after a hard days work. In the middle of despair. When you’re craving an enormous Chocolate hit.

Good for: Everyone. Highly versatile. Extra chocolatey on another level. Must eat.

How to eat: Fast, one in each hand.

Recipe:

The Chocolate Sugar Cookie (AKA the Brownie Biscuit)

⁵

These are a new discovery of mine… and I must admit. I don’t make them how the recipe says to 😅 I removed the egg from the recipe, and cooked it for 12 minutes to create the ULTIMATE biscuit that tastes like a brownie (fudgy and gooey sigh) but still holds it’s shape as a cookie.

These also just use ‘store cupboard’ ingredients so that’s a big plus too!

When to eat: In the middle of a dramatic scene writing session. When you have writers block. When you need a mid-day pick-me-up. Late at night.

Good for: Emotional support and, encouragement (*cough* delusion) when traumatizing favourite characters.

How to eat: Devour with a glass of milk, whilst using one hand to type.

Recipe:

The Stuffed Cookie

Just when you thought life couldn’t get any better, you decide to make an extravagant treats that turns out like THIS:

UHM YES! (also you can stuff other stuff (XD) in these too…. Nutella, Peanut Butter, White Chocolate Spread, the list goes on…)

When to eat: A) When you want to eat yourself sick.⁶ B) In a state of delusion where you don’t notice the amount of sugar whizzing into your blood stream, or C) once a year.

Good for: Special occasions, birthdays, graduations, and days when the sugar hit is necessary to survival.

How to eat: WARM! Fresh from the oven, with a glass of milk (non negotiable on this one!) to balance the sweetness.

Recipe:

The Sugar Cookie

Now, full disclosure that I am not an expert on Sugar Cookies - so this is what I assume to be sugar cookies (see footnotes) if I’m wrong, I cannot wait for you to stage a cookie culture violation in the comments⁷

When to eat: At Christmas, as a snack.

Good for: Everyday versatility.

How to eat: Multiple at once. Alone or with friends. Scoff or share.

Recipe:

The Shortbread.

Some people think shortbread is boring. They’re wrong.
Shortbread is DIVINE.

I’m picturing a recipe for Chocolate Chip Shortbread because it happens to be one of my favourite kinds, but I’m just talking about shortbread in general here to be honest!

Also, based on my limited knowledge of ‘Sugar Cookies’ and my extensive patriotic loyalty, I would like to acknowledge demand the fact that Shortbread is both *cough* nicer than sugar cookies, and is COMPLETELY different to sugar cookies.

When to eat: Elevenses, High Tea, Afternoon Tea, quarter past midnight, after dinner…. in the garden, on the Lapis Lazuli front steps… at the bureau in the garret.

Good for: Everything and every situation. No further comment.

How to eat: A plateful, dusted in sugar, with tea, without tea, with coffee, without coffee, in the garden, in the house, at a table with a mouse. with a lace doily, and a feather duster. In Agnes kitchen, at the fountain. In short LITERALLY anywhere.

Recipe:

Well. I think I’m nearing the need for a part twoooo!

Let me know what cookies I missed and what you thought of this bizarre post!
I hope you enjoyed!

Esther.

1. channelling my inner Islington. 😎 😂😂

2. Note to say that I don’t rightly know what a sugar cookie is since I’m English.

3. For the sake of this post, I am going to label all further baked goods as ‘Cookie’ because I don’t want to have to get into a culture war with myself.

4. *on substack

5. Renamed by Yours’ truly

6. Okay, that’s a joke. But still, these are sweet. Eat at your own risk. Self control is required.

7. SARCASM! This is SARCASM PEOPLE!